Dream: Under Disneyland

Last night I dreamed I was somehow "under" Disneyland, in a place where the magic is created. I had the impression that being there was rarely allowed, and security people were keeping an eye on us. I was there with someone. I'm not sure who. My daughter, perhaps? I also had the feeling that we were under some kind of big body of water, like a SeaWorld tank?

I think we had entered through a field. It felt like the Midwest. (Alice down the rabbit hole? I don't actually remember entering.)

There were other people, very happy. It seemed this was a special night. We were all making our way to an auditorium. Some kind of ceremony or presentation was going to happen. We entered the auditorium and were seated, ready for the event. Suddenly I heard someone say, "Mrs. Disney is on the move." An older woman was coming down the row of seats in front of me. We were all in awe of her. She passed right in front of me, and appeared happy and confident.

I've no idea right now what any of this means, except the fields might be related to my locavore work.

Gaian Tarot Reading 7-1-11: Part 7 of 7

Card 6 - Outcome I Want
External (18 The Moon)I want confidence in magic and manifesting. Constant, faithful changes. Powerful psychic abilities awakening, trusting my intuition. Keep dream journal; study magic. IMAGINATION. Harmony with waxing and waning of emotions and intuition.
Internal (0 The Seeker)I want to begin my spiritual journey in earnest again. New beginning, traveling light, the butterfly image (liquifying? or taking wing?). Be open to twists and curves in the road. Take a risk! SPIRITUAL QUEST. INNOCENCE/CHILDLIKE WONDER (Sun?). PILGRIMAGE. SIMPLICITY. SPONTANEITY. ADVENTURE. ALPHA & OMEGA. (Omega Institute?) Start with trees (connect underworld, Middle World, Celestial World) and birds (messengers between heaven and earth, FREEDOM).

Gaian Tarot Reading 7-1-11: Part 6 of 7

I had decided at the outset to draw two cards in the 6th card position. One would represent my inner life direction and one for my outer life. Now I decided I'd do that on the 5th card position, too.

Gaian Tarot Reading 7-1-11: Part 5 of 7

Card 4 - Next Step: Elder of Water
"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell. Don't go back to sleep." --Rumi
Pay attention to dreams (connecting both inner and outer worlds). Seek out wild spots in Nature. Be a listener to be of service to others (peace and calm in tumult). Upon rising bring mysteries of dreams to light of day. In evenings, reflect on day just past to live in state of gratitude. 

Gaian Tarot Reading 7-1-11: Part 4 of 7

Card 3 - Action to Take to Meet the Challenge: Explorer of Earth
Connect deeply with Nature. Be outdoors. STABILITY. EARTH KNOWLEDGE. CONNECTION TO HOME. Spiritual connection through body. Fitness and wholesome diet are best kind of health care.

Gaian Tarot Reading 7-1-11: Part 3 of 7

Card 2 - Challenge: 10 Explorer of Air
Identifying all the elements of what's going on (suggested by all the kinds of birds [on the card])? Identifying a focus from among the many possibilities? Feeling ungrounded?
This card isn't clear to me on first inspection. From book: "Climb high to get perspective and focus, mental clarity. Intelligence and wit can be used arrogantly and hurtfully when desire to be right holds sway."

Gaian Tarot Reading 7-1-11: Part 2 of 7

Card 1 - How I am today: 10 The Wheel
Things are changing. "One season transforms into the next." I don't always understand why at the beginning, but I know I will later. There's a cosmic aspect to the changes, represented by the astrological signs. This is something I've planned as part of my life. It is also in synch with Nature, and there's an inexorable aspect, too. Things will change simply because it's time for them to do so. Finally, there's the transformational aspect--the butterflies. Just yesterday I commented that I'd like to make a cocoon around myself, liquify, and come out a few weeks later completely transformed. How do I "liquify"? Meditation, perhaps? Hmm.

Gaian Tarot Reading 7-1-11 Eclipse: Part 1 of 7

I came across this tarot reading I did last year and decided to post it, since it's relevant to what's happening for me now. I've divided it into separate posts by card, with the introductory intentions in this first part.

I've interspersed comments today about how my understanding has changed in the past year.

Exercise vs. Movement

Today is the second day of the Radiant Goddess e-course, and it includes a journaling assignment. First step is to write about what exercise currently means to me, and then write about how I would like to feel while exercising.

Preliminary Day of Radiant Goddess e-Course

Since I did my shopping for the first week of the Radiant Goddess e-course yesterday, I decided to start eating the menu today instead of waiting until the official start of the course tomorrow. I'm glad I did. It turned out to be a good warm-up for me.

Father Memories

Tomorrow is my father's birthday. He will be 89 years old. In the past year, his health has declined a lot, and he is dealing with increasingly severe symptoms of congestive heart failure (CHF).

I had heard of CHF but didn't understand what it was until my father was diagnosed with it. It's an accumulation of fluids that gradually puts pressure on the heart and lungs, making it difficult to breathe.

I woke up a couple of mornings ago feeling very worried about him, when suddenly a childhood memory arose that I hadn't thought of for many, many years.

More Sleep! And Starting Food Detox!

I've been doing better at getting more sleep. Last night, for example, I went to bed at 11pm and got up at 6am feeling quite energetic! This is awesome! Not eight hours per night, yet, but awesome nevertheless! I care more about feeling good rather than hitting a specific number of hours.Still working toward that goal, though.

I also committed to doing the Radiant Goddess e-Course, which is a three-week mostly raw food detox plan, along with meditations, videos, and support discussion boards (for Goddess Circle members). It's not cheap (spent $250 yesterday getting ingredients mostly for the first week), but I know from past experience that a raw food detox works well for me and boosts my energy hugely.

More Sleep Since Tapping

I've been getting considerably more sleep the last couple of days since trying the EFT techniques I wrote about in an earlier post.

Friday I took my grandson to a new business in town that has a large and wonderful playroom for kids, along with comfortable space around the edges for parents and grandparents to sip a cup of tea or coffee and watch the young ones play free in a safe environment. It was blissful! No stress about anyone getting hurt, and my grandson could be completely free to follow his desires about what to do from moment to moment. Very freeing for both of us.

I told my daughter it was like Burning Man for kids--everything a kid could ever want was available and they could do whatever they wanted. It was a real joy to enjoy their joy.

Inspirational Quote

"Life isn't about FINDING yourself.
Life is about CREATING yourself."
--Author unknown

This is perfect. I have spent a good part of my life worrying about what I was going to be when I grew up, and what am I here to do spiritually. This quote is the answer.

There's no limited list of things to choose from. There is only a blank canvas to paint however we like. Hopefully with something beautiful. Ideally with something new and inspiring!

Tapping for Sleep

Hooray! Another hope for a breakthrough!

I've been feeling frustrated that I seem unable most nights to get to bed at an hour which allows me to get enough uninterrupted sleep. Part of the problem is that I enjoy my late night activities--reading, researching topics of interest to me, writing, watching cooking shows or inspirational/motivational webinars. However, I believe if I get to bed early enough to get enough sleep before my daughter transfers care of my grandson to me in the morning, I can do those same activities while he continues to sleep after she leaves for work.

I just can't seem to get myself to do it regularly. I've been feeling like a failure, and completely blocked on this issue.

Creativity Goddess

From Goddess Leonie:

"Imagine creativity being your pathway to joy..."

I've often thought that was at least one of the pathways. People who practice their creativity regularly and often seem to have a bounce to their step.

Hooray! Sleep!

Finally! I was in bed with the light off by 11pm last night. Got up briefly at 6am to take out the recycling and transfer my grandson to my bed when his mom left for work, then slept another three and a half hours. That makes 7 hours uninterrupted sleep, and 10 1/2 hours total sleep. Woohoo! And I feel good!

Have to laugh, though. Last night when I went to bed my stomach wasn't feeling too good. I had  a busy weekend and didn't eat as regularly or as well as I usually do and was feeling a little worried. I had a dream of not being able to control passing gas--farting when I walked. When I woke up at 6am I was full of gas. I guess my dream was the universe's way of letting me know I was okay so I could relax and sleep more soundly.

One day at a time. I need to plan it so I can sleep as well tonight.

Sharing the Joy

What a treat! There is a red currant bush right outside my dining room window. It is always the first thing in the yard to bloom in the spring, and it is covered with lovely red/purple flowers right now. Within a few days of when it begins blooming, the first hummingbirds of the year appear. Shortly after that come the bees.

Weight Loss 4

So I've been pondering which weight loss system to adopt, per Martha Beck's instructions in the Jump-Start section of her book The Four-Day Win. I'm leaning toward using the SparkPeople nutritional tracking tools to monitor daily calorie intake. They also have tracking tools for exercise, sleep, water intake, etc. I think that's all I'll need. I know my weak points are late night binges and not enough sleep. Otherwise, I think I eat pretty well. I'll get to the exercise goals soon.

Right now I really want to focus on getting enough sleep.

Synchronicity As Guidepost

As I am seeking a return to joy, I am being very observant for things that bring me joy. Synchronicity--or, as I like to think of it, magic--is a source of great joy and delight for me. I feel most at one with the universe when I experience synchronicity.

I was reminded of this a couple of days ago. I had written a post on this blog about how getting more sleep would likely improve my ability to lose weight. Later that evening, I had let those thoughts go, and my thoughts had moved to a very different track. I had read something about "signs" in our lives--things that have symbolic meaning for us, iconic images related to significant events, etc. The idea was that these signs are a tool used by our inner selves to help point our way, or act as guideposts to remind us of our unique spiritual path.

Weight Loss Factoid 1

I was just thinking about how getting to bed earlier seems to help me avoid eating food after dinner. Right then, a link to this article about evening eating by dietitian Becky Hand arrived via email from Sparkpeople:

Sleep is a regulator of two hormones that affect appetite, leptin and ghrelin. Leptin helps suppress food intake and stimulate energy expenditure, while ghrelin stimulates appetite, fat production, and body growth. When one is sleep deprived, the level of leptin drops and the level of ghrelin increases. The result is a drastic increase in hunger. One study reported a 24% increase in hunger, with excessive, uncontrollable cravings for calorie and carbohydrate packed foods such as cookies, candy and cake. It can all add up to a vicious cycle of late night binges, lack of adequate sleep, uncontrolled snacking, late night binges, and so on.

This information could help me avoid late night eating. I need more sleep to take care of myself lovingly anyway. This is just one more motivator.

Weight Loss 3

On to Jump-Start Plan Stage 3 in Martha Beck's The Four-Day Win. Today the exercise was to complete a questionnaire to figure out my current diet profile. Martha has found that some people like lots of information and others don't want to know the details. Also, some people like a lot of external structure and others want to be independent of external structure. She's come up with 20 questions which help identify where a person falls within that matrix.

Weight Loss 2

Today I read Jump-Start Plan Stage 2 in Martha Beck's book on weight loss called The Four-Day Win. It described how to work with two aspects of myself, the Dictator and the Wild Child. Here is an exploration of each of them and their motivations.

Earning a Joyful Living 1

For the past couple of years, my "day job" has been taking care of my little grandson (now 2 years old) while my daughter is at work. In return, she pays nearly all the household bills. I also continue to do a little webdesign in the evenings and on weekends, mostly for clients I've worked with for years, which pays reasonably well. I also write a newspaper column on "locavore" eating (eating locally grown food as much as possible), which pays very little. I enjoy doing it, though, and I've recently received invitations to speak and teach classes on the subject. Neither of those pay much either, unfortunately.

For most of my life, I've made at least enough money to get by comfortably. I've gone through a couple of periods where I didn't always know how the bills would get paid, and also a couple of periods where I was making enough more than I needed to accumulate savings and even investments. Right now, however, I'd like to be making more than I am. I want to make enough money so I can always do whatever I want, purchase whatever I want, travel wherever I want, go to school again if I want, etc. Retirement age is approaching as well, and I would like to have extra money set aside to cover eventualities.

My immediate goal is to figure out how to earn six figures ($100,000+) annually in the limited amount of time I have to devote to earning a living and doing something that excites and energizes me.

Weight Loss 1

As I began studying Martha Beck's book, The Four Day Win: End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace, I (of course) jumped almost immediately to the Appendix, entitled "The Four-Day Win Jump-Start Weight-Loss Plan." Martha promises quick initial results by following this Jump-Start Plan, though she also insists on a commitment to work through the entire book to achieve lasting results.

Okay, okay, says my impatience. Or is it my eagerness? At any rate, let's get started.

Weight Loss: It Begins...

One challenge to living in joy for me has been being overweight and the health effects that come along with it. For one thing, I often feel physically exhausted. Who wouldn't if they had an extra hundred pounds clinging onto their body? For another, trying to lose the extra weight has been demoralizing, and I've allowed it to seriously damage my self-image. I've berated myself for not having willpower, for being weak, for having no self-control, for allowing myself to become unattractive, for being a slob, etc., etc., etc.

Feelings About Whitney Houston

Last Sunday I watched a long special on OWN (Oprah Winfrey's TV network) about Whitney Houston. First there was an interview of Houston by Oprah. That was followed by an interview with the family about Houston's death.

I felt strongly pulled to watch the programs, though at first I didn't understand why. I have enjoyed Houston's music very much, but didn't really want to know all the maudlin details of her demise. I try to avoid filling my mind with images of pain and negativity whenever possible. I just don't see the point of seeking out misery.

New Teachers

I have worked with many wonderful teachers in my life--some in the flesh, some through books, some well known, others quite unrecognized, and some not very much fun--all have touched my life in ways for which I am infinitely grateful.

For the past couple of years, I feel like I've been on hold in terms of personal growth. So much change and activity has been going on in my physical life that I've had little time to reflect on what it all means. Recently I've started trying to catch up with myself, to catch up on growing from my experiences.